Mixed emotions about the end of the conference. My first thought is that it would have been preferred to share this experience with someone (which is what I was thinking on day one). The next thing on my mind is my “calling.” I went forward to get prayed for at the end of yesterday morning’s session when the speaker asked that those frustrated with where they are in life come forward. That’s me. I resisted a little but couldn’t come up with a reason to not asked for divine assistance. The man who prayed with/for me prayed that I’d be given the guidance I need. I didn’t prompt him for that, so that was amazing.
It seemed pretty obvious to me as I was leaving today’s sessions that I can’t expect to have any clear direction in my life or peace about choices I’m needing to make if I’m unwilling to spend time in basic prayer and scriptures. There’s an ironic parallel here for me when I think that one of my basic frustrations with my former relationship with Juls was that we just seemed to lose that day-by-day connection that seemed so easy and natural years before. Whether we were busy driving to work and taking a break for lunch, it seemed so easy to just pick up the phone to say “Hi” or maybe drop a text message or email that one was thinking about the other. Simple. Someone loves me. No production, no huge block of uninterrupted time required. For all of my complaining that she eventually couldn’t be bothered to make those simple “I’m thinking about you” calls in the morning, that’s what I haven’t been giving in my relationship with my Savior. It’s not exactly the same, but just looking at my journal where I was writing three articles a week from my bible studies three years ago to where I can barely crack one bible study article out a quarter points to where I’ve fallen to in giving to my Lord what I needed from my lover. And He’s always there, day-by-day, morning-by-morning, usually filling my semi-conscious mind with His music as I wake up in the morning. I’m the one who needs to give Him just a simple consistent slice of my time to listen to what He wants to talk to me about. Instead of my constant complaining and whining that things aren’t the way I believe that I need for them to be, I need to give Him an equal measure of my attention, to do the thing that I love to do, that I loved so much in the beginning of this journey: spending time listening to him through His Word. JBB